Michele

I enjoyed speaking with you in class and reviewing your paper together.  Your writing style is clear and straight forward.  Since your audience will include young gamer's parents, you definitely want to include the details of what MMORPG means and go into details about the plots behind some of the games you mention.  You do a great job of explaining the Poke'mon game and how you have traded animals with other countries.  How did this teach you about the other country?  How did this encourage international gaming?  Do you like to trade to and from these other countries?  Have you learned anything about the cultures from these other countries based on the animals you have received via trade?  You have the best point of view for this because it is your point of view.  Expand on that and as Lydia always says, "Read it out loud to make sure it sounds readable."

world of warcraft (Jillian and Kevin)

I like the fact that you two are building on your Unit 1 writing to find a causal argument.  I read what you both had to say and I will follow Michele's lead and make sure to give you both individual feedback and then address you together.

Jillian - You have some great points and the fact that you are playing again will give you some recent real life experience to add to your paper.  I know you are still gathering research about how gaming can be addictive and how to roll World Of Warcraft into that overall data.  Keep pressing on and you will find that "A" Paper for unit Two hiding in the shadows.

Kevin - Just like it did for Dylan Adams, the WMA file threw me off and I was wondering if the file was your actual rough draft.  I also like the fact that you are successfully using the tools that you have readily available to you by gathering the opinions and statements of your students to get data from real players and what their thoughts are.  This keeps things interesting and makes the piece in full realistic and belivable.  As I started to review your information I did not realize that I was reading the opinion of a player. 

Both - You guys have some great data that is extremely relevant to your topic.  It is now p to the two of you to organize it in a way that your audience can move through all this information with ease and smooth transitions.  Being the non gamer, I would suggest that if my kind of reader is your audience, make sure to have a quick terminology reference guide so we can understand the WOW language (Ex. gank, pup, Horde...). 

Dylan and David rough draft

Although I am not a "Gamer" I can relate to the information you have provided in your Unit 2 paper.  I am unclear of what your causal argument is.  Is is that great graphics make great games, or the changes and upgrades keep the fans coming back for more?  You did a great job described a few of the favorite games out there.  This was helpful and honestly made me think about using some of these games as an avenue to take out my own aggression.  Take the time to clean up the vocabulary, smooth out the transitions and clear up what your formal causal argument is and this will be an "A" Paper in no time.