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Page history last edited by pmassman@... 12 years, 2 months ago

6:00-6:15 Housekeeping and Game Planning


6:15-7:00 Invention/Arrangement of Final Projects



7:00-7:30 Jacob Grimes Final Project Ideation Station


7:30-8:00 Paul


8:00-8:30 Kristie

Not sure if I want to talk about the new WCG Ultimate Gamer Reality Show or something about my final project.  We'll see.  Show up and let's have some FUN!!!


8:30-8:50 Sue





Departure Time: Sundown -Michele

Here kitty, kitty? - Jillian

The flight is delayed. The pilot is late. The lion's sleep... today. -Lydia

This isn't where I parked my car.... - Nathan

When did they start using Meals on Wheels  here?

Waiting in lion.

Free Flights: Just bring 50 pounds of raw meat to the plane.





What was I supposed to say?


Causal Final Argument Reviews:


I'm sorry you guys, I always forget to put a link on this page! I graded Aldijana's, Michele's and Nate's papers. They were also the papers I peer reviewed, as well. I know that puts these paper past three grades, please forgive me (o:  ~Jillian



1. Earl's Graded Review-

Great paper Aldijana. Your paper provides very clear informative information on how the internet can be used as a weapon against children and teens.  You provide a lot of facts about warning signs that are backed up by legitimate sources. You appeal to my pathos because being a older brother of a twelve year old and a father of a six year old, I feel a need to definitely monitor what they do around a computer because of the fear that you place within me when describing the sick predators that are looking to harm children. You got an A.


2. Sue-graded on my page 


3. Michele- As usual, I found Aldijana's paper interesting and well-researched. It's come very far and I'm glad some of my suggestions helped. The grammar and structure was superb. I found no mistakes and I really like this topic. Not meaning that I like sexual predators, but I love watching the show To Catch a Predator. It's a real eye opener. I love that you point out that some of these guys are respectable, like doctors and priests, and they're not all people who you would think are sleazebags. I love it! A+


4. Paul's Graded Review- Aldijana's paper is well written and researched. Online predators are a major problem in today's society. It amazes that Aldijana shows how far and to what length's these people go to satisfy their warped minds. The paragraphs flow together and the paper is an easy read. I think she backs up her thesis by explaining the types of people who prey on kids, how they are using many different ways to lure these kids in. Sending gifts, money, and even airline tickets so they can come see them is very scary. Her paper also sheds light on some of the warning signs of kids who are at risk of becoming a victim or have already became a victim. These warning signs can be used by parents to monitor and help their kids from falling prey to these predators. Aldijana has even put numbers and links to help parents become more aware and what they should be doing to protect and report online criminal activity. In her conclusion she says that monitoring computer use and talking to a child about these online predators helps to decrease the child's chances of becoming a victim. Overall - A. 




1. Earl's Graded Peer Review-

Michele, you definitely got a interesting paper on you hands. You provide me with some very colorful visuals in regards to interacting with our fellow gamer through online play. You provide clear examples of how online game play are advantageous and essential to today’s gamer. You touched on a point that I’ve always wondered. Why do people think it’s acceptable to drop racial slurs while playing online games? That’s a case study waiting to happen. Anyways, your paper had some B traits to it. I feel that some of the paragraphs needed to be cleaned up a little but overall you got an A. Good job


2. Aldijana for Michele- I have never realized the huge online activity that the games bring. The paper gives great explanation of how players can communicate with other players and paints a great picture of how the gaming world has stepped into a futuristic time. These online games let people stay in touch with their friends and families, and the consoles let you download music or watch DVD’s. I give this paper an A as it describes the new gaming age in great detail.


3. Lydia... I'm about half through your paper, and I needed to write down that I like how you give a brief description of the games you are talking about, and you give understanding to all readers by defining the terms you are using. I give you an A because you know the topic well, and you are very passionate about it. You also manage to peak through the words, so we get a great dose of Michele!!! Good job!



This was an insightful look at a topic I am not very familiar with. I feel that you explained the pros and cons of online gaming to a complete laymen like myself. I am glad that you defined the terms in order to make this a paper anyone could read. This paper had a unique voice with very little grammatical errors. A




1. Tracy's Graded Peer Reviews


2. Aldijana for Sue - I can already see improvement to this paper as it has a list of works cited at the end. I like the beginning of this paper, it places you into the situation that the woman was going through. The intro itself gives a lot of feeling and leads into the cause of legalizing abortion. There are a lot of facts with supporting citations that make this paper strong. I have learned that crime rates seem to drop when abortion is legalized. The paper is easy to understand and provides great supporting evidence. I give this paper an A.


3. Nancy's Graded Peer Reviews


4. Nathan's Causal Final Reviews - I did this because I reviewed it the rough draft also. I did an extra paper too since Sue was full when I came to link the grading here.

Dylan Adams

1. Kristie - I really enjoyed your paper.  I enjoyed the fact that you took the gaming topic to organized games and how they are organized.  I know this is not about grammatical correction, but take a look at this small correction: Also, next year, it will be held in Miami, the same sight at the Super Bowl.  I felt that the topics of each sport transitioned smoothly through each paragraph of your piece.  I know that hockey and soccer are not as popular in America, but I like the fact that you at least touched on each sport.  Do you think that the NFL decided to move the Pro-Bowl closer to home to try to get more fans in the stadium?  I went to the Pro Bowl a few years ago and the stadium was just over half full and was in GREAT need of updates.  I know Hawaii has plans to do some updates to see if they can get the NFL back.  This may have been a quick topic to touch on to get the word count closer to the given expectations.  Overall, this was a well organized paper with an A to B grade.


2. Paul Graded Review- Dylan's paper is easy to read and it has many interesting facts about why the All- Star games aren't that great anymore. I think the paper transitions from each paragraph easily. The paper also supports his thesis by explaining why each of the three major American sport's All-Star games are losing their fan base. It is interesting to see that Major League Baseball and the NBA use different events within their All-Star games to keep them interesting and fresh. I also liked how he described the Pro-Bowl as a vacation for the players, that's probably true. Plus, The NFL hasn't seemed to change it's Pro-Bowl over the years, not adding anything to keep it fresh. You would think that with all the attention the NFL gets during it's regular season that the Pro-Bowl would be spectacular. Overall A.






1. Tracy's Graded Peer Reviews

2. Nancy's Graded Peer Reviews

3. Paul's Graded Review- Earl's paper expresses how technology (games) can be used to promote healthy attributes in people who play the games. The paper transitions easily from paragraph to paragraph, plus I think Earl supports his thesis very well. The way he describes the games and the amount of effort needed to play them it becomes easy to see how they can get people active and healthier. Earl also explains the benefits of aerobic and anaerobic exercise and how they can positively affect a person's health, body, and mind. The paper also shows how playing video games can increase hand-eye coordination and reading skills, which I never thought about before reading Earl's paper. The conclusion sums up the paper very well. Overall - A.


4. Jacob


It is obvious that this was a well researched and thought out paper. I really enjoyed how you developed this topic from your previous paper and provided an unbiased look at these games. The paragraph transitions and grammar were all top notch. I really can not think of any suggestions about how to improve the overall product. Check for repetitive word usage? A





1. Aldijana for Jacob -

I am not completely sure what the thesis of the paper is, and since you’ve edited your draft, I don’t know what was changed into the final product. There are a few grammatical errors, but besides that, you’ve told an interesting story. Since I don’t play video games and am not that much into the different consoles, the information you provided was interesting. I would give this paper a B, because it feels as if it needed a lot more writing or at least a stronger finish.


2. Lydia... I liked your paper, and your defense of the Wii. I had no idea that there was an DIY culture in gaming either. I liekd the idea of your paper but I have to agree that Aldijana in saying that it needs more development. I wish you had spent more time explaining the DIY game culture... I give it a B. 


3.Dylan Adams' Review



Nancy and Tracy

1. Kristie -

By accident, I read your rough draft and your final.  It looks like you guys made a huge improvement.  You took the time to research the different types of surgery and the medical name and common name of the procedures.  This makes the paper easier to read and gives a little education at the same time.  Comparing the different surgeries received by celebrities and how those same surgeries could have a negative effect if people don't take all aspects of the change into effect.  You covered the the medical, mental and emotional effects of the decision to have plastic surgery.  I think your piece was well thought out, well researched and well organized.  You had a clear thesis and a clear causal argument for an overall A Paper.


2. kevin-

You seemed to have done a good bit of researching on this subject.  It has surprised me, as a teacher, the amount of vanity even in high school is mind blowing and the way that the plastic surgery trend has oozed its way onto mianstream TV is almost as frightening.  You did very well.

Grade: A






1. sue graded on page


2. Earl's Graded Review-

Great paper Paul. You definitely establish your stance and your thesis that TV violence leads to violent tendencies amongst our youth. You utilize all the artistic appeals throughout the paper especially when it comes to your statistical analysis (logos).  All your paragraphs transition to make the flow of the paper logical and clear. A paper.


3. Nathan's Causal Final Reviews


Kristie Causal Argument Final Draft

1. Lydia... I really liked your paper. I think it was innovative, and something that corporations should do. You could have included a portion on online training sites for the novice. Apple provides online training for like $100 a year, (something like that). However, we all know the perils if someone in our work force is poorly trained or trained differently. It's something that happens in all jobs! I give you an A, good job!








1. Tracy's Graded Peer Reviews


2. Sue graded on page


3. Nancy's Graded Peer Reviews


4.  Jacob.


I feel that we went over a lot of what I felt about this paper in class. I think that it is a great idea, but the thesis could be a little bit more clear cut. Maybe describe how the aggressive marketing strategies of these two companies has increased awareness for the industry. B




The Ripple Effect by Lydia Beljan 

1. Kristie -

Wow Lydia, this is an extremely well written and organized piece.  I love the details and really does fit the Causal Argument topic so perfectly.  The story itself was detailed enough that I felt as if I was a fly on the wall as you described the activity and the actions taken.  Although the actual story was an unfortunate one, I enjoyed the fact that you ended the paper on a positive note about how it takes one person to positively effect others and then threw in your personal cause and effect with your hubby.  I would definitely give this a solid A.


2. Nathan's Causal Final Reviews


3. Michele- Wow, this came a long way and it has it's Lydia factor now :P. I like the explanation of the ripple effect because it's something that everyone deals with every day. You added some great techniques for the readers to enjoy. I liked the nicknames a lot, like "Bossy" and "Punky". Everyone who has to work with other people calls them by something other than their name occasionally. I also liked the single lines describing what the rock was doing. They gave a sort of feeling of movement to the paper which I thought was well done. All in all, I really liked it. A



Causal Argument: Successful video games Click and scroll down.

1. Nathan's Causal Final Reviews







WoW: the Virtual Drug from Kevin & Jillian

1. Michele- Holy information Batman! And I know that this is after cutting back some of Kevin's work! I love watching your pieces come together from both of your ideas. They always mesh so well. There is too much to even freaking comment on. I love the layout, first of all. The order in which the information was presented is perfect, not too much of anything and it flows really nicely. I'm a fan of definitional papers, so I like that you described what contitutes addiction, with emphasis to video games. I definately believe that most of gaming is usually grinding. I hate doing it, but I know I've spent hours on Guild Wars doing it and I can really relate to that. I had no idea that there were so many detox sites for WoW addicts! Overall, the paper is very well written and has a great flow and structure to it. It was well researched and clearly made it's point. Awesome! A+


2. Dylan Adams' Review




Kevin's Grades also at:Kevin's Grade

Jacob G.


I like the start of the paper and how it places the reader into the world.  Also how you connect the bands into your work.

Grade: A



Causal Assignment - Rough Draft- Paul

The fact that the argument about violent TV has been around since I was a child and even before says something about the subject.  But back when I was a kid the most violent TV show on was believe it or not, Bugs Bunny & Road Runner show.  Things have changed greatly.  The cartoons have gotten wimpy and the live action shows have gotten down right disturbing.  Very good paper

Grade: A

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