Michele- Though I tend to be more grammar critical, I made an intense effort to focus more on context and writing, because that’s what you wanted. (o: I hope my feedback helps…

• Shoot for a more engaging, attention grabbing thesis statement.
• Introduce the Next-Gen systems first then provide the Playstation and Xbox, etc as examples.
• I like the paragraph about the other capabilities of consoles online (marketplaces, music, etc.), but it should be more connected to your thesis. Make some more correlations between them and the international interactivity you’re talking about.
• Explain just a bit more about avatars; they’re crucial to the online activity
• You mentioned gamers playing with other gamers for good ratings. Maybe it would be helpful to explain a little about the significance of the rating.
• Players can also verbally communicate in online play via headphones, including that would further stress the interactivity and also lend more to your point of the use of explicit language and such.
• This is an awesome subject and you chose such an interesting point to discuss. Including some more examples and maybe developing it some more will only add to its already awesomeness, lol.
• I love the descriptive references you made at the beginning with Call of Duty and Pokemon. More of those would be fantastic. (Maybe make a small reference back to Second Life. It doesn’t get much more internationally interactive than that.)
• Explain MMORPG, massive….
• Expound on the topic in your conclusion, making it more…conclusive lol

You said you wanted more comments that didn’t focus merely on grammar. I hope I haven’t crossed any lines. I just provided some things I would look out for if I were writing. Hopefully it gives you some inspiration. I look forward to the final. <3Jillian

Awesome and exactly what I was waiting for. Thanks Jillian! ~Michele

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