Causal Argument

Nathan - Causal Argument Rough Draft

" Both companies also devote their time to creating movies from the comic movies." Do you mean creating movies from comic books? The second paragraph is good, but check for repetitiveness. After reading the third paragraph, I want to know more about what DC has to offer online. I would try to expand the second to last paragraph, maybe you could further describe Comic-Con or other instances of visual marketing. The ending is a little weak, and kind of abrupt. If you are trying to be unbiased, you seem more impressed with Marvel. Can't wait to see what's next.

I like to concept of your paper. A possible title could be "Different Marketing Strategies for Marvel and DC."

Jacob Paper 2

I like the opening to your paper, and I can't wait to read the rest.I think evolving is a good way to describe the video game empire. Perhaps you could include Atari in the revolution. YOUR READERS WANT MORE!!!! So please, very nicely, give us more to read.

Causal Argument Dylan A

"All-Star games, in each of the three major American sports is losing are losing their fan appeal due to the respected leagues unable to make them worth anyone’s time." Revise this. In the first paragraph, you sound upset about the All Star Games. This paper is a little bumpy, trying reading it out loud to catch any natural grammatical errors. On second reference to anyone, use their last name, not full name. Bud Selig, second, Selig. Make a new paragraph about home run derby. Can you describe the game a little bit more for readers who don't know what it is? Perhaps offer suggestions for changes to the all star games. What is it that NBA can do that no other sport, except maybe hockey, can do? Interesting concept for a paper although I think it could use some expansion. Consider this, read it like you don't know anything about sports then expand on the things you have questions about.