Peer grades
Class Canceled
Gamers,
My family needs me tonight, especially my wife, Angie--we just received news that her Mom has been helicoptered into Shands Hospital. She fell last night, and may have an aneurysm, so we must go right away.
Let's postpone the grading. You may continue to revise your drafts, and solicit more feedback, as well. But let's also do some close readings. Please carefully read and respond to McCloud chapter 2 (notice the connections to our rhetorical triangles!). Some of our compositions are already doing a lot with McCloud's approach to communication and rhetoric--this chapter has even more fun ideas to consider. Also, please browse the first 2 sections of First Person, the sections titled "Cyberdrama" and "Ludology." Select one of these articles to use as a springboard for a blog. You can build on your first unit assignment, make a connection to peer writing or to an idea you'd like to work out on the wiki. I'm thinking our next unit should focus on storytelling and narrative--but I will be interested in what you all think, in light of our unit one work, new connections emerging on the wiki, and the arguments and ideas in these chapters.
I be tuning in later tonight.
chanting for smooth transition awareness,
ShareRiff
Dr. Conner, My thoughts and prayers go out to you and your family.
Paul
Dr. Conner, I hope everything goes well with your family.
Nathan
Hope the family is doing well. Keep us posted with any news.
Kristie
Dr Conner-Will add your family to prayer list-Sue
Dr. Conner, we'll all be prayin for you and your family-Earl
Thank you all so much! The CT, angiography, and other tests show a large clot but no anearysm, which is fantastic news. Another MRI will give us some prognosis, and those results will be available in the morning. We found a room right up the street from Shands, so rest will happen soon. Overall mood and attitude: gratitude. Again much thanks for all the resonance! -ShareRiff
I just had a chance to read the news, I will keep your family in my thoughts.
Kevin
I'm glad you received some good news. I do hope more good news will follow. Best wishes to you and your family. Stay well. <3Jillian
Those are great news, I hope your mother-in-law gets well very soon. - Aldijana
Cover Page
Your cover page "meta-programs" your audience. Here, you reveal what you believe is happening in your composition. In other words, your cover page provides a space for you to tell your readers what you are trying to do in your definition argument (discourse about your discourse = metadiscourse, cf. the Williams "Clarity" .pdf). Specifically, your cover page tells your peer graders what they need to know to understand your purpose and process, so they can provide useful feedback. You can say whatever you like on your cover page, but please do try and account for our primary rhetorical concerns (purpose, thesis statement (main claim), audience, mixture of appeals and tactics). The easiest thing to do: compose short responses to the following questions:
1. What is the purpose of your argument?
2. Who is your target audience?
3. What is your thesis statement?
4. Did you learn/try anything new while growing this composition?
5. What do you like best about your composition? About your composition process? Here's where you talk about your best experiments (Did you mix genres? Where you able to integrate ideas from different sources with your own? etc)
6. Of the feedback you garnered in our workshop, what piece of information was most valuable/helpful?
7. Where would you like to see the most feedback/advice on your final draft?
Just as we did last week, provide a link to your unit one work, and sign up to grade 3 definition arguments, below:
1.-Earl
Overall: A
Aldijana’s paper has elements of both an A and B paper. She defines the computer age as beneficial and supports her claim with examples but gives too many counter arguments to fully support the claim. The paper is organized in a way that it is easy to read and understand. The examples that she provides are supported by numerous resources which makes her case more believable.
2.Kristie - Great paper Aldijana. You did a great job going over the different ways a child would use the internet. You also did a good job of having a fair presentation of the pros and cons of the interenet and how to make computers work in a positive way overall. The only opportunity I saw was for you to use stronger vocabulary when you want to make a dramatic point. Use the tools availabel to you to communicate as efficiently as possible and stress different areas of your point. (Ex. You describe bullying as a nasty act, yet do not add a negative description to the possibility of a child being the victim of a sexual predator.)
Overall, you opened your peice with information that caught my attention, presented the positives and negatives of your subject and provided a conclusion. Your information was easy to read and understand. I would say this a well written A paper.
3.Nancy-Aldijana, I thought your paper was nicely written. You provided a lot of information and it seems as though you took a lot of time to research your topic. This information can be helpful to anyone and it was easy to read, which also helps. It was very clear and organized. Grade: A
4.-Paul
Aldijana, I think your paper is well written and researched. You provide many examples and points of view on the pros and cons of teens and children using the internet and computers in their daily lives. There are just a couple of grammatical errors, but overall I think you have expressed your argument and thesis statement very well within your writing. Also the paper flows from point to point very easily. Grade: A
5. Sue-Aldijana- I found your paper engaging and informative. I did not find that 30 hours a week for students to be on the computer to be to much. I am always on my computer doing assignments. Typically, I spend 25 hours a week on assignments. I would have liked to see more on the bullying topics. In recent news, a woman posing as a teen befriended a troubled teen. She at first was saying nice things to the girl, then she went the other way, saying not so nice things. Anyway, it lead to the girl killing herself. The woman was not charged with a crime-sadly. I would give your paper an A
1.Nathan's Reviews
2.-Aldijana -
Finally a video game that actually benefits people! I have enjoyed the piece and learned a few things, such as what the game can all be used for. It is a fun way to uplift spirits and get active. I like the idea of helping the elderly get their motion back. Great description on how the Wii works and what it does. It would have been great if my physical therapist had the Wii when I had my leg/ankle injury and was on crutches for 3 months last year. I give this paper an A.
3.Kristie - Earl, As I read your paper, I felt as if you were educating me based on your hands on research with this subject. Your information is specific and to the point. The details of your examples not only spell out paint the picture of how it works, but that it actually does work. You not only wrote a great paper and communicated effectively, but sold an idea that I honestly had never thought of. Are you working for Wii and do they employ you to go from nursing home to nursing home to sell their product?
Overall A Paper All the Way!!
4.TRACY: I always thought the Wii was a game for a younger crowd, but you changed my view on it! The information you provided was great and you left me wanting more with each paragraph. You connected with the reader in this piece of writing. I enjoyed reading this from start to finish. This deserves an A!
5.Jacob: I always heard that video games improve your hand eye coordination, and now I believe it. Earl, this was a very well written and informative paper about a topic I never even cared to think about. A new light has been shed on how the healthcare and video game industry could work together in unison. My only worry is if residents in nursing homes would be up to playing video games.
Final Grade: A
6.-Paul
Earl's paper on how the Wii video system is beneficial to the senior population is well written and supported. Earl explains how some of the games can be used to increase the social activities of people who are often put into these homes and forgotten about. His paper also shows how the elderly are using new technology to stay active and keep up on their cognitive skills. The paper flows smoothly and is structured well. I wonder if there are any studies that show if any of these elderly people are getting injured by using the Wii for occupational therapy? I think Earl meets all the requirements of an A paper. Overall Grade: A
1.Nathan's Reviews
2.-Aldijana -
I really enjoyed the writing, especially the second half of it. You had me hooked with the Second Life story and you described it so well that I just wanted to keep on reading. You are right, reality comes to each person individually, what I may see one way someone else may see it another. I give this very engaging writing an A.
3.-Earl
Overall: A
Michele’s paper has elements of both A and B paper in my opinion. The paper fulfills the assignment in regards to being a definitional argument. Is x (or is not) a y because (list examples). She’s stating that the x is the “real world” and the y is the virtual reality world. She gives examples of how the virtual reality world can be validated as a true reality because you can earn real money, and interact with real people. The thesis statement wasn’t as clear in the paper itself as it was stated in the cover page but was implied by further reading. The paragraphs flowed smoothly and were organized in a way that the point was clear and understandable.
4.-Paul
I thought Michele's Paper was very well researched and written. The thesis statement was not as clear in the beginning of the paper but was well supported when describing the game Second Life. The reasoning and content behind her argument is strong and there are numerous examples supporting the argument (attepting to define reality as it pertains to the virtual world). Michele has structured and organized the paper so that it reads easily, but some of the transitions were hard to follow. Grade: A
5.Jacob: Virtual worlds like Second Life and World of Warcraft are a complete mystery to me, so I enjoyed a little tutoring on the subject. It is scary and also amazing how one game has made a few people a large sum of money. What is scary is that people are willing to spend their hard earned money in order to buy virtual items for a character that doesn't even exist, or maybe they do... My ownly problem with the paper was how long the introduction was. It took about 1/3 of the way down to get into the topic. I also agree with Earl that the thesis statement wasn't as clear in the paper then the cover page, but with some simple editing and revising would solve this problem.
Grade: A-
6.Sue-Michele's paper was enjoyable for me to read. I felt that she gave details about how the game is played, and gave analogies. I would give this paper an A
1. Jillian~
Nancy and Tracy, I chose to review your definitional argument because I do love watching the Super Bowl ads and I was interested in reading on the logistics behind them. The facts included really helped to provide a backbone for your argument. Your view from both sides of the decision making allows your readers to be fully engaged in what you’re saying. The entire time I was reading my mind was trying to make the same decision that businesses had to. I loved that your argument had that effect. Though there were some grammar and structure problems, I still feel that you both nailed your purpose and executed it wonderfully. Adding the aftermath paragraph only added that much more to your argument. Thanks for including the ad consensus and videos, as well. What a great use of the wiki! My grade:A
2. Dylan A:I was one of the people who reviewed your rough draft and you did a great job. You guys really did a great job of utilizing the peer reviews. The paper had a great flow to it. The transistions were well done. I also liked the way it was broken down into chapters, with the before-and-after affect. It shows that you really took the time to improve upon the research you did before the rough draft. I also liked that even though you two in particular are not gamers, were able to still involve a sport and maintaim the theme from class. Also, from a fellow marketing majors standpoint it was really informative. A P.S. Not sure why the font got changed in the middle of it....
3. Dylan k: Like Dylan A. I was also one of those who originally went through your rough draft in class in order to review.
In truth, your paper already had some interesting facts and information and kept me interested the entire time
I read it. You managed that even though it was on advertising which can be constrewed as being boring. The
attention getting statement is great and helps the audience to stay interested, something missing from many
other papers. I also concur with apt changes being made according to the initial peer review and you incorporated
many of those changes into the paper. Using facts to support your thesis and keeping a mainly linear way of doing
so assured the paper was easy to read and had little flaws. Overall "A" paper.
1.Nathan's Reviews
2.Michele-This paper certainly got A LOT bigger. :) I'm glad to have read the finished piece. It's a strong paper with a lot of good description. I like that there are pros and cons for both vinyl and digital; it is not a one-sided fight. There is a lot to be learned and digested. My dad listens to vinyl all the time and a lot of people don't understand the difference in the sound. I think Lydia really helped describe how the two are different and why vinyl cannot die because it just isn't the same as digital. Also, there were tons of facts about the methods in which these different forms of music are played and where they came from. Lydia captured the differences in sound and, if simplified a tiny bit for people who do not know anything about vinyl, this piece could be a wonderful way to introduce vinyl to those who have grown up with only digital. I found it well written and interesting. Grade A.
3.
1.Nancy- Nathan, I must admit that I was never into comics or thought much about them, but your paper shines a new light on them. I never put much thought into where they came from or even companies that create these comics. Your paper was very informative and easy to ready. Grade: A
2.Michele-Glad to see the piece all finished! As a huge comic book fan, I make a good audience for this piece. The history of the comic companies was accurate and didn't draw itself out. I would have liked to see a little bit less about individual characters and more about the feud, maybe from the points of view of other fans who do pick a side in the feud, and how/why they picked their sides. The essay is well put together and cohesive. There are good examples given for both comic book companies that better illustrate the differences between the two. Grade A-
3. Lydia's Peer Grades
4. Sue-N8's paper was interesting to read that Superman was one of the first superheroes brought into the comic world; Batman was introduced to help with sales. I would give this paper an A
1.- Aldijana - After reading the paper I was clear on his point of the TV influences on babies, children, and young adults. The tone used was the right tone considering the audience which are parents and individuals that do watch television. Paul has written a very informative paper and I have gotten a lot out of it. I think he has incorporated his research well into the paper and backed up his statements. Overall, I have enjoyed reading his work and have learned many things that previously I didn’t know about, such as the effects the TV has on babies.
I give this paper an A. Job well done, the thesis statement came across well.
2.Kristie - Paul, Your information is well researched, organized and supported. I was impressed with the specific example you gave about the child who unfortunately died from a simple reenactment of a basic wrestling move. This definitely proves that violence seen on TV does have an overall negative impact on children. Your introduction and conclusion paragraphs are repetitive. Find stronger vocabulary to gain the attention of your audience and close your argument strong. Was the word count enough to satisfy the assignment?
Overall B Paper
3.Nancy- Paul, this is an important piece of writing because effects of television are important, let alone on children. I do not have children, but I believe works such as this will help me decide whether I want to allow my kids to watch television at impressionable ages or not. This was organized and easy to read. There was good information provided, although I would have liked to see more on such an interesting topic. Grade: A
1.-Earl
Overall: A-
The purpose of Kristie’s paper was delivering the pros and cons of gaming and children. I had a difficult time finding the established genus and species within the paper, but was impressed with the information that was provided validating the pros and cons. The paper itself flowed in a way that the new paragraphs were all supported by the topic sentences. The paper can be sharpened a bit but the writing techniques used kept me interested and involved with the paper.
2.TRACY: I enjoyed reading Kristie's paper. There a lot of information supporting the influence of games on children. This paper was easy to read and also kept me interested until the end. Transitions and supporting facts were good. I liked this one! Overall I think this paper deserves an A.
3.Jacob: A very interesting look on how a simple activity can impact the lives of our youth. This was a very informative paper with a lot of useful information. Kristie, I admire your unbiased opinion by listing the pros and cons of video game usage. The only problem was that this paper came off a little repetitive, which can be fixed with some quick editing.
Final Grade: A-
4. Lydia's Peer Grades
1. Michele - I think I know why this paper may not have gotten peer-reviewed. It's very intimidating without either paragraphs or spaces between the paragraphs. Once I got past that point though, it was pretty interesting. We all have a general idea of what propaganda is, but this paper explains it in more than one light while still holding its point that propaganda is immoral. There were almost no grammatical errors, although the transitions between (what I think were) separate paragraphs could have been cleaner to help the general flow of the paper. The definitions of propaganda and its devices was done very well, but some of the examples used were a little confusing, not in content, but in how they were described. Overall, the paper was well written with very few errors, and contained a lot of information on the topic. A-
2. Jillian~ This was a really well written piece. Your introduction paragraphs did their job in grabbing my attention. I will agree with Michele regarding the paragraph transitions. Without the proper use of them it became a bit overwhelming at times. However, your content helped ease that. I loved the passion you both had for this topic. It certainly came out in your writing and it was great to read. With the current state of things the correct use of propaganda is crucial. But like you both wrote, what is defined as the correct use is a fine line that few people seem to know how to walk. Great job, both of you. My grade: A
3.Dylan A. Review- I enjoyed your guys analysis of propaganda. You guys did a great job of using rhetoric to show people that propaganda still exists. When you make note of the different kinds of propaganda and let people know that just because it's for a "noble" cause doesn't mean it's an entirely informative claim. The truth commercials and Bill O' Reilly examples were my personal favorites. You guys did a great job of making your paper flow while trying segmented writing for the first time. You can slightly tell the difference in your two different writing styles and voice but it comes together nicely because the reader can tell it's something you guys feel very passionatly about. Great paper guys...fun read, I think you should expand on it in the next unit even. A
1.TRACY: You guys defintely provided a lot of information about this game. I enjoyed reading both sides of the arguement because it gave the paper a different voice than the others. I would have liked to see a little bit more organization throughout the piece, even though it's hard when it comes together from both ends. Overall I did learn from reading this and that is always important! I would give this an A.
2.Michele-I enjoyed reading the sort of second to final piece. Not having to do with the grade, but breaking it up on your page into paragraphs would make it easier to read. I believe that this paper has progressed a lot from your original draft, the one that I read in class. It is somewhat clearer, but I think there was a problem uploading the FINAL final draft so I'll hold out until tomorrow. I understand, I also am a terrible procrastinator. More to come now that it's posted :P -->Okay, here's the real deal! I love how it's cut up now so that the reader can tell who they're reading. It's much easier to understand and you simplified the lingo a lot. It's come a loooooong way from the original and I think that it now describes WOW very well. You guys covered everything that I, as a fellow player, know and love about WOW, but still in a way that would help someone who didn't know about the game to understand it better. Well written, and well edited, you really used our workshopping class wonderfully. A
3. David
I love that you put it into a narrative dialogue, this paper definitely deserves an A. I understand that people need an escape from reality, and that's what this paper brought out. Even thought WoW is not my game of choice, I've played many RPG's which give you a sense of control and freedom. My only concern is paying to play, buying characters? Are you kidding?! There is a line between false sense of esteem and reality of interaction. Games like this can suck people in, but if those people are happy with that quality of life then more power to them. Dialogue didn't seem scripted, kept my attention, and proved a point. Great job.
1. Jillian~
I never liked the term sell-out. Is getting paid for doing something you love and sharing it with the world truly such a bad thing? I suppose it is a matter of opinion. Whatever the case may be, Jacob I really enjoyed reading your argument. You provided such an enlivened, wholehearted perspective on this topic. It made me all the more interested in reading. Though I had already heard of many of the things you wrote about, I nonetheless enjoyed reading your takes on them. As someone who enjoys gaming and music, the parts which focused on them were particularly interesting to me. Despite its downsides Myspace has done great things for some struggling music artists and I’m glad you added that into your final draft. Microsoft, the big evil…lol. Be that as it may, they did, as you said, help get Blow’s Braid to the masses. I’ve played that game. It is beautifully designed, innovative, and has a great music track. If some developers, programmers, musicians and the like are not willing to ‘sell-out’ then there will be a lot of projects that may not get the chance they deserve, as Braid did. With all that said, your draft had me from beginning to end. You used great structure, flow, and information. Awesome job, Jacob! A
2. Lydia's Peer Grades
3.
1. Aldijana
Well I finally found out what “Halo” is! It sound like a game well made that let’s you practice before you go out there to get yourself killed. The paper looks like it must have taken you hours to research and put together all of the information and definitions, but I didn’t see enough citations or credits. I liked the paragraph that went over the definition of dopamine, I just enjoy such definitions. The paper itself has a great discussion feel to it, and as I read it, it made me want to comment on it. “children who play violent video games become less physiologically aroused by real violence” I actually agree with that statement and would go one further into adding violent movies to the list. Grade: A
2. David-This paper discusses a very heated topic throughout videogames as well as music, TV, and Videogames. I do not think any of these can cause a developed mind to turn into a sadistic or distorted one. I do believe that if someone is preconditioned to these thought patterns, these numerous mediums can reinforce those thoughts. If kids play these games a few minutes a day, I don't think any damaging reprocusions will result, as opposed to playing or watching violence every waking hour of the day. However, violent video games have only been in existence for a short amount of time, and to assume the will be no future consequences is a mistake. It is impossible to be absolutely certain whether the growing generation will be more desensitized, simply because of a lack of evidence. Either way you make a good point. Parents are the the sole caretakers, and ultimately, it's up to them to create or form the kind of rational and sensitive person they want want their child to be. You get an A. Fun read, flows nicely, no breaks in thought. Intersting argument and kept my attention.
3.
Practice
Let's try grading together, in class.
GradingStandards
1. rhetorical knowledge RK
- purpose
- responding to the needs of different audiences
- kairos
- constraints (format, conventions, appropriateness/surprise value)
- tone
- genres
2. Critical Thinking, Reading, and Writing CTRW
- writing for inquiry, learning, communicating, and commons-formating
- finding, evaluating, analyzing, and synthesizing appropriate primary and secondary sources
- mixing: integrate your ideas with those of others
- Understand the relationships among language, knowledge, and power
3. Process
- recursion and drafting
- flexible strategies for generating, revising, editing, and proof-reading
- remixing - writing is an open process, by which early writing and the writing of others can be reworked, revised
- the collaborative and social aspects of writing processes
- critique your own work and others' works
- multi-person composition: learn to balance the advantages of relying on others with the responsibility of playing your part
- multimedia composition: use a variety of technologies to address a range of audiences
4. Knowledge of Conventions KC
- awareness common formats for different kinds of texts
- genre conventions ranging from structure and paragraphing to tone and mechanics
- appropriate means of documenting your work
- surface features - syntax, grammar, punctuation, and spelling.
Clarity.pdf
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