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David's Reviews U2

Page history last edited by David 14 years, 11 months ago

Reviews

Dylan A.

--I liked the intro and the editorial feel of your paper. The suggestions at the end were cool. I heard a comedian say we should take the pitcher out of baseball and use a machine, imagine how a bunt would turn out. Maybe they should allow steroids? Just embellish more on how your changes would make the sport more exciting. The second to last paragraph you say "or switch it up" twice, try to stay away from this. Work on the flow of the paper and maybe use some direct quotes or figures. Plenty of info out there, good choice.

 

Sue

-- Very controversial, but well stated. Cite your facts more clearly, especially: "The 1990’s decline in the homicide rate committed by young men is statistically associated and directly correlated to the legalization of abortion." I do agree that specific cases should be allowed abortions. Whether or not legalized abortions cause a decrease or increase in crime, I'm not to sure. I wasn't completely convinced I think because you didn't mention anything about the other causes of crime, poverty, political agendas, anything. Find other causes of crime and link them to abortions in some way, the more kids there are, the less money and time the family has to spend on other things. It is an interesting argument though, usually it comes down to where life begins, and right to life.

 

Lydia 

-- Creative way of combining story telling and causal arguments, it's like a small butterfly effect. I had a little trouble visualizing the metaphor. I guess I expected the place to shut down, a much bigger ripple, but it works. If you wanted to expand it, show a bigger wave, have the angry girl blow up in the restaraunt, or the boss fire the girl who doesn't work. It almost reminded me of a scene from Office Space. You create a good visual scene, descriptive, use more of this.


FINALS

Dylan Adams' Final Draft Unit 2

My favorite sport, is MMA and UFC type, basically because I understand the techniques and scoring better than in any other sport. Occasionally I'll watch a game, but I remember going to Braves stadium as a kid and being bored out of my mind. I understand the rules, but I don't feel connected to the players. I didn't think of this till now, but the problem might be the insane amount of money these players get. Instead of fighting for glory or to simply be the best, they compete for contracts and capital. It might not start out like this when a player is signed on but eventually it becomes that way. I think this is why so many people tune into the Olympics (I don't, but to each his own). We take pride in our country, and think that if we "root for the home team" we somehow deserve credit for the win as well. My roommate freshmen year was a huge eagles fan and would almost commit suicide when they lost a game. It was entertaining but I felt bad for the guy. If it doesn't seem like the players are giving it their all, it's really boring, especially in UFC. Watching 2 guys walk around a ring for 15 minutes, isn't why I tune in, but it does happen. So, maybe the solution is to pay the players what they made when the games first started becoming national and public (next to nothing). I watch the superbowl, but other than that, most of the other games aren't as entertaining. College on the other hand is a different story. If you were to continue, include some of the suggestions on how to improve the games and critique them. Grade--A

 

The Ripple Effect

Nice improvements, well put conclusion, interesting names, and a cool story telling process. The four basic rules I try to live by, although it's very difficult are those of the 4 agreements: Be impeccable with your word; don't take anything personally; don't make assumptions; and do your best (these last two are the hardest). I like how you also show there's a positive ripple effect. As for forgiveness and forgetting; I try to just accept it for what it is, people make mistakes. It does sound like the boss is choosing sides, a very stupid thing to do since she relies on the group to provide excellent service. If there isn't trust within a work group, it doesn't function properly. Grade--A

 

Paul's Final

http://pilotingpedagogies.pbwiki.com/Causal+Assignment+-+Rough+Draft-+Paul#CausalAssignmentFinalDraft

Definitely a paper that is well researched, I like that you showed all the causal factors and didn't simply blame the networks for creating violent programs. Personally, I think (given an increase in population) there will always be a rise in violence. Whether or not there are more violent programs available to children I can't say. People have been exposed to violence ever since we became envious of other tribes, and the resources they had. The human race has seen executions, gladiator fights, beheadings, crucifictions, and burnings, all for "entertainment". The other question I have is whether or not it creates a lasting effect, or if the violence must be reinforced throughout their lives. On the other hand I have seen kids torture animals, play brutality games, and curse regardless of the amount of TV, but violent programs are definitely a factor. Nice conclusion, it's the parents job, not the network's, to raise their child properly. If you expand on this for your final, use more descriptive examples of some of the childrens programs. Grade---A

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